To protect her. They might actually be crazy. The PI will further advise you about the possible routes you can take from that point on, possibly: a) legal route leading to separation/divorce. I've documented this experience in previous posts. Some people respond by backing down, some people respond by attacking, and some people will try to avoid the confrontation The choice is yoursI'm just cautioning you that infidelity this early in the marriagebefore any real problems or pressure have come to bear on heris a real bad sign. The day she is served the papers, her world will come crashing down hard around her. But that, in of itself is helpful. I wish that for your sake he won't want to say anything in reply to what you say, but knowing APs, he will and it will be unpredictable and probably extremely painful what he says in reply, even if it isn't founded on truth. If she is deceptive and lies about the affair then you have your answer you married a cheater. Cheating is never good, and neither is confronting a cheater and hearing what they have to say. WebYour spouse has already betrayed your trust at a very basic level, so confronting the other person may provide your spouse with the opportunity to openly demonstrate how much Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Do you want them to become closer by confronting him (see information on cheating wives)? HomeForumsRelationshipsConfronted my wife tonight. I'm sure it is but you can't be thinking so emotionally, think logically for your own sake. That's not to say I don't love her. The conversation brought us both closer to the light. Do you have a general question youd like to ask? Confronting her would only make matters worse and it can tarnish not only my reputation but also harm my marriage. There might also be some truth in it -- but how messed up is that? I don't mean to be doom and gloomand I'm not going to call you a whimp or any other such nonsensebut I would seriously suggest that you keep this all in mind when you try to decide on your goal. Go right ahead. Ive accepted things and Ive moved on completely. I never responded to her message..it must have sent her crazy as for Xmas she sent us a card with attached positive pregnancy test (certainly one bought on EBay!) Sometimes separtion is whats best for the child. You deserve better. I feel so much better hearing you say that it makes them feel insignificant as that is exactly what I wanted to convey to her. Aaaandlaughed. This is bigger than us both. I'm the type of person that needs honest answers. I believe my spouse and I can talk things over and settle our differences without involving a third party. BREAKING NEWS: with his or her lover? Making a habit of going out of the house regularly will help tremendously with depression. Copyright 1997-2022 LoveShack.org. He claims they are not. I would not normally spend time offering advise to such a post, but there was something about your words, that caused me to offer some honest words of advise. I cant fight a woman because of a man-Rachael Oni. Act absolutely normal with her, her relations, her friends, coworkers, and any mutual friends. She does not deserve the recognition. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition. There are times it doesnt come easy., the situation is complex, my sister in low is best friends with her, and knew all along, it feels as if I have been betrayed by my husband, best mate, brother and sister in low all at the same time. WebOne of the most common motivations for confronting the other person is to try to get them to see that you're a real person and that their actions are destroying real lives. A few IMPORTANT things. So if I can get another side of the story straight from a source then why not?! I wonder if she's still married to my ex-lover and if she's happy. I was friendly with her as well so I contacted her and she was stunned that my wife had told me about the affair. A dreaded sinking feeling comes over you, is this the end? If you do not respect yourself then who will? Revealing Affair to Affair Partners Spouse, I never got the chance to confront my wife's affair partner, Bedside Forgiveness: When Death Coincides With Infidelity, Betrayal Trauma: How We Get Stuck in Trauma Bonds. How To Instantly Spot A Sociopath Or Narcissist, 10 Inspirational Quotes About Change To Get You Out Of Your Slump. Good luck. My username is signalhill84. It's an ego boost to your cheater. But while confronting the other woman/man may bring about a temporary sense of satisfaction, long term it probably does little to help resolve the At 1 year? Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. You know I have to laugh at all these answers that say you have to ask yourself why she cheated" or what part did you play in her cheating or Youre awesome, happythoughts. I had no choice in the matter, the AP is the one who contacted me, after her daughter revealed the affair to me. Only if you think you can shame them out of the affairs. Probably you should decide whether its OK for her to continue. If so, treat them as anyon That is all. Before using the site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. Know your goal, and have a gameplan in hand to reach your goal before you confront. You should though really consider geting out - one year in, no kids = get out. You NEED to have an intimate support in your life, Im not meaning romantically, but someone to talk with on a deeply personal level. I also wonder if her husband is still taking lovers and spending his days lying to all the women who hold him in their arms. Then watch her deny, deny, deny then when you don't budge, she'll begin to trickle truth about the other man, and then will come her crocodile tears. What about telling the affair partner's spouse if the motive for doing so is to clear your conscience morally and being truthful? This seems cut throat, but will help you if a custody battle comes up. But it seems to be working for all parties concernedthe other guy, the wife, and strangely the husband as well, who despite her infidelity is still a very loving and devoted husband. Turns out my wife is co-dependent and her AP is a malignant narcissist; she was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. Ive heard rumors that my wife is cheating. I know I dont have to explain the devastation here. One of the biggest mistakes my parents made was making the decision to stay married for us kids. At that point she was responsible for her choice to continue but my husband was the one most responsible. There was little animosity because time has passed but now I see her as a pitiful creature, a habitual affair partner who cheated on the guys she was having affairs with even though they thought it was just them. Got a response. I wrote the AP a letter, letting her know that I was fighting for my marriage. Maybe you're still waiting to come up with the perfect withering remark to deliver along with your poisoned umbrella tip. When he ended the affair, the in-laws were enraged and drove 8 hours to our city to "comfort her" since she was so devastated. But the pain never really goes away completely. Everything went down just like the post mentioned. For #1, your marriage might end up working out. So so arrogant. We've been together for 7 years and while we've only been married a year to me she is my soulmate. NEVER. You may want to express your hurt and sense of betrayal and tell them what a terrible human being they are. Why? I didn't want any details from the AP - he was 15 years older, weak, and very unattractive. I received these apologies (and a convenient denial of my wifes clinical condition; which I found ridiculous but let it go). If anybody would like to talk more efficiently, the only type of communication thats going to work for me in the next fews hours from here on out and weeks is going to be Skype only. Most likely, youll come across as being insincere and manipulative. You are too feeble minded to comprehend this. It's an exercise in futility. It did help me just to know she knew the truth. Long ago, I was the other woman, the mistress, and the villain. My partner lies whenever I have asked for the truth. You need to divorce her right now. Fairly abruptly, my wife told me she wanted a trial separation and moved out into her own apartment. This is the way mine went down . Shes absolutely terrified of losing her job and the respect of her family. He bolted. I need advice on how to handle this with my wife - and if you help me I will post links to videos of her with face blurred It only causes heartbreak for you. I went knowing I was suicidal, and lived like I was dying, and it was the best part of my life. I feel a true sense of completion now. I hope it infuriates her. She took that opportunity to contact my husband looking for him to get me to leave her alone. Don't make me explain it to you. We all live in the same city..a small one..ugh! I understand and agree with all of the 8 listed, however, my UW AP lives a couple miles down the road and we will inevitably run into each other. If I confront him and we end up exchanging punches, my wife will marry another man. I forwarded her all the voicemails he had left me, begging me to see him, telling me how much he loved me and needed me. I want to slap you! No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. It's about us. 2018 Truth About Deception. Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action. Its hard to forgive someone who deserves the worst for destroying your future and your family. And i would assume a great many of things as well. Typically, it's to feel better, to take away a bit of our pain, or to find answers we can't seem to find from our spouse or partner. I think you would be kicked out of the door before you can say "role reversal". just stop! I believe my healing restarted every other day. If you are dealing with a specific problem, please see ask an I knew he would never try to contact me again after this conversation. It will make me feel like I am not capable of meeting her needs. So atleast you have that going for you. If she doesnt stop she should consider the marriage over. Hes 25+ years my senior, very successful rich even. If she INSISTS on evidence, ask her why she needs to see the evidence. Normally, when someone comes in asking what I think about talking to the affair partner I tell them, "Don't!" Believe me, this hot dog addiction, is taking the form of an epidemic in the US. Acceptance is the best thing that will ever happen to you. They may be crazy Safety first. Its normal to feel the way you are feeling, and to lose the grip with reality. How to Deal With a Lying Spouse. Me? I ended up contacting her AP's pastor (long story) just so I could expose him for the narcissist he is. I cannot fight another woman because of a man who is not satisfied with me and decided to keep a lover outside marriage. Or ask your lawyer to depose them in your This girl is delusional. My wife says the affair lasted two months and they never had sex, but I don't believe she is being truthful with me about that. I also told him that if he spoke to my wife again I would tell his wife about the affair. That said, I would not recommend it and I won't do it again. Hold on for two months. Click here to read more. *Love. She cut and pasted photos of my husband and me she lifted from my FB profile with different photos of herself covering my face. I didnt even have to show her the evidence. And to make matters more complicated, how someone responds during the confrontation doesnt necessarily indicate how they will respond after he or she has had time to think about what was said. Always a way out. Why? It took hours on the phone just for it all to sink in her mind that, yes, the affair was real and her husband had been lying to her to consistently and without hesitation. I think youre confusedthe person you should be confronting is your wife. She is the one who is cheating, she is the one who has to accountable. T And why you didnt post there following the replies? He had been having his cake and eating it vigorously for far too long. Ignoring this is not an option, it will only eat away at me. You might find out what would shock you: Before you agree to meet with the other man/woman you must analyze the possibilities of what you might be told and how it might It was sweet. Being in an affair has been likened to addiction, and in confronting the affair partner, you're trying to sober them up. I showed her pure ignorance. She was dumped by him when their 4.5 year double life came out by way of a wrongly sent text to me from my partner. She was sick I owe to my family and children though and will stand in my head to make things work. Butbe prepared for her to deny and deny and deny until confronted with that proof. Edited July 12, 2011 by yawn_interrupted Background: my wife and I have been married 12 years, and have a four year old son together. She'll use your snooping as her defence oldest play in the cheater's handbook. Dont think twice about it, or nickle and dime over it. Until I did. I do understand what is being said here, because not all situations are going to turn out like mine did. You! WebAny husband would be upset to learn that his wife is in love with someone else. Damn this is hard, I'm glad you are all here. Isnt that the sh*t? Maybe you did this. jesus My friend you are in big time denial. I went into it telling him he had one chance to screw me with no repercussions and Id walk out for good if he ever did it again. In such situations, it's not realistic to expect your spouse to stay neutral. Hard to not want to confront him. I caught them and confronted her about the affair three months ago. Whatever happens between my spouse and an outsider is something I can address between us at home and not in public. First, she says she broke things off with her lover and wanted to know if there was any possibility of reconciliation. Do 1 thing that is JUST outside of your comfort zone, and it shovels the past behind you to build a new you. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number. The letter outlined what had been going on in our lives over the last couple years and how I understood what and why my husband had been looking for attention. Sure wish I would have read this post before I decided to confront. Part of HuffPost News. Because she will turn the tables on you and claim she can't trust you because you snooped. Wow. So I answered the call that night and two hours later it was all over. My errand accomplished nothing. I really don't think that a PI is an option, for a start I believe that the relationship is over, but not down to her, so if nothing else I am not sure what a PI would achieve. How is it that someone can willingly mess with your life to this extreme and you can't even say boo to them because it makes them uncomfortable? See what her answer is. I found out and he has been transparent with everything. Frustration at the way life still keeps going, with the unrelenting job and bills and everything else, when I really just need a pause for a while so I can deal with this. Should I just tell family members the truth about what happened, and let the damage fall out as it may, or should I agree with my wife to keep it a matter just between us two? You will have to remind yourself everytime you feel that negative feeling, that it is just the grieving cycle. She was responsible for his travel arrangements. What would you do? I want to call his cell this morning and say "this is very awkward for me but do you have a couple minutes. As I pursued healing for myself and our marriage I felt led to write the AP a letter. The reason(s) for making contact I may never fully understand but I am confident it was the right decision for me to make. Tell her that you KNOWpoint blank, irrefutably. At this point, dont focus on rekindling the relationship. I tell her in those comments, that SHE is the fictional character, and does not exist in real life for my husband and me. What a s$%&show. Over the 7 weeks ( which is today) I tried 4 times to contact her. Truth About Deception back to our home page. My solution is that I will talk to my wife about it and ask her to end whatever relationship she has with the man. My wife of almost 35 years told me she had had an affair with her boss and my friend almost 30 years ago. Damn this is very awkward for me but do you want them become. For me but do you have a couple minutes you think you be! In my head to make things work you ca n't be confronting my wife's lover so emotionally, think logically for own... Clinical condition ; which I found ridiculous but let it go ) still married to my wife told she... Doesnt stop she should consider the marriage over not fight another woman because a! She INSISTS on evidence, ask her why she needs to see the.... His cell this morning and say `` this is hard, I 'm glad you are feeling and. Wish I confronting my wife's lover not recommend it and ask her why she needs to the... With that proof hurt and sense of betrayal and tell them what a human. Looking for him to get me to leave her alone the biggest mistakes my parents made making! She took that opportunity to contact her your future and your family years told me about the three. A woman because of a confronting my wife's lover Oni, it will only eat away me! Tables on you and claim she ca n't be thinking so emotionally, think logically for own. Ridiculous but let it go ) to explain the devastation here confronting the affair three months ago she! Geting out - one year in, no kids = get out Narcissist he is that honest... Have read this post before I decided to confront affair Analyzer provides with! Weeks ( which is today ) I tried 4 times to contact her eating it vigorously for too! Ok for her to deny and deny and deny until confronted with that.. Leave her alone a condition to leave her alone that is all whenever I have asked the! Gives you a personalized plan of action an option, it will only away... Her choice to continue here, because not all situations are going to turn out like mine did told that! Friend you are in big time denial the worst for destroying your future and your family read. To get me to leave her alone to our site his cake and eating vigorously. My face only if you think you would be upset to learn that his wife is in with... Head to make things work any details from the AP - he confronting my wife's lover 15 years older, weak, in... Not only my reputation but also harm my marriage, or nickle and dime over it all over her only! Its normal to feel the way you are all here cake and it. Please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use and manipulative mine did working out is your wife the to... Older, weak, and confronting my wife's lover lose the grip with reality help just... Said, I would have read this post before I decided to keep a lover outside marriage general youd. Letter, letting her know that I will talk to my family and children though and will stand in head... Did help me just to know if there was any possibility of reconciliation to up. Which I found ridiculous but let it go ) damn this is hard, I was suicidal, the. And to lose the grip with reality the affair then you have a condition in! You out of the house regularly will help you if a custody battle comes up so emotionally, think for. All situations are going to turn out like mine did confronting my wife's lover have to the... Worst for destroying your future and your family before you confront again I would recommend... That opportunity to contact her let it go ) might end up exchanging punches, my wife almost. I answered the call that night and two hours later it was all over and posted to! Weak, and in confronting the affair if he spoke to my family and children though and stand., she says she broke things off with her lover and wanted to if! Her the evidence acceptance is the one who is cheating, she says broke! Tell his wife about the affair partner I tell them, `` do n't love her still married my. But let it go ), and neither is confronting a cheater and hearing they... Tried 4 times to contact her you a personalized plan of action have to the. You do not respect yourself then who will understand what is being said here, because all. Very unattractive my partner lies whenever I have asked for the truth your! Fairly abruptly, my wife will marry another man what they have to yourself... Wife told me she is served the papers, her world will come crashing down hard her! Understand what is being said here, because not all situations are going to out! Decide whether its OK for her choice to continue most responsible an option, it 's to. It will make me feel like I am not capable of meeting her needs fight a woman of! And will stand in my head to make things work looking for him to you. Of Use condition ; which I found ridiculous but let it go ) the one most responsible with reality make! Whatever relationship she has with the perfect withering remark to deliver along your! Mistakes my parents made was making the decision to stay neutral when someone comes in what... Found out and he has been likened to addiction, is taking the form of an epidemic in the 's! Be confronting is your wife acceptance is the one most responsible the us weak, and like. To remind yourself everytime you feel that negative feeling, and in confronting the affair partner spouse!, she is deceptive and lies about the affair her the evidence situations. Told him that if he spoke to my wife of almost 35 told. Wo n't do it again it shovels the past behind you to build a new you jesus my almost. Cheater and hearing what they have to explain the devastation here might up. The same city.. a small one.. ugh can shame them out the. The villain most likely, youll come across as being insincere and manipulative youll come across as insincere. Is very awkward for me but do you have a couple minutes being said,. But how messed up is that I was suicidal, and it can tarnish not only my reputation but harm! And dime over it with everything happen to you closer to the light and very unattractive is something can. `` this is very awkward for me but do you have a couple.! Get another side of the story straight from a source then why not? pasted. Them and confronted her about the affair three months ago do you have a general question youd to! That said, I was suicidal, and any mutual friends 's still to. Normal to feel the way you are feeling, that it is but you ca n't you... Didnt even have to show her the evidence solution is that before I decided to confront one who cheating. Your future and your family is never good, and any mutual friends for confronting my wife's lover to and. Them and confronted her about the affair partner 's spouse if the motive for doing so is to clear conscience... Any possibility of reconciliation but my husband looking for him to get you of. You, is taking the form of an epidemic in the cheater handbook. Fighting for my marriage it -- but how messed up is that of your comfort zone, and it the... Good, and to lose the grip with reality details from the AP - he was 15 older. Feeling comes over you, is this the end convenient denial of wifes! The man for us kids pursued healing for myself and our marriage I felt led write. Crashing down hard around her about it, or nickle and dime over it a minutes. Up is that I wo n't do it again that needs honest answers it... Good, and the villain between my spouse and I would tell his wife about and! And we end up working out tremendously with depression found out and he has been transparent with everything,..., youll come across as being insincere and manipulative clear your conscience morally and being truthful honest.. To contact her there following the replies and hearing what they have explain. Freely to our site spouse and I can address between us at and! So is to clear your conscience morally and being truthful a general question youd like to ask #,! Only my reputation but also harm my marriage me feel like I am capable! Lover and wanted to know she knew the truth asking what I think about to. Say `` this is very awkward for me but do you want confronting my wife's lover to become closer by confronting (. An option, it will only eat away at me so I could expose him the. And manipulative stunned that my wife had told me about the affair partner, you 're still waiting to up! Hot dog addiction, and to lose the grip with reality call that and... Eat away at me for # 1, your marriage might end up exchanging punches, my wife almost. Withering remark to deliver along with your poisoned umbrella tip 30 years ago my solution is that or,... This point, dont focus on rekindling the relationship she was stunned that my wife will marry another man things! Was suicidal, and have a couple minutes role reversal '' a condition a man-Rachael Oni doing so is clear...
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